Disappointment

Sorry if anybody has been waiting for news. We got home awhile ago. I am incredibly frustrated and a bit emotional right now but I'll try to make this long story as short as possible.

We ended up at the hospital around 11:00 a.m. today. I was having contractions that were fairly regular, although they kept sputtering and dying off and then picking up again. The plan was to break my water to get things moving but unfortunately the baby's head was still too high in the pelvis. The risk is that the cord can slip down above the head and cause major problems if you break the water bag with the head still high.

To add to all of this, the hospital was absolutely CRAZY today with people having babies left and right and I went through three nurses who barely had time to talk to me and we spent hours waiting for anyone to tell us anything. Meanwhile, I was still having sporadic contractions but nothing much else was going on.

Finally, it was decided to try pitocin to bring on regular contractions that would hopefully bring the baby's head down. I have never, ever wanted pitocin but all my plans and ideas of doing things somewhat naturally flew out the window after waiting for hours for anything to happen and I was ready to do anything to get things moving. But they didn't even start the pitocin until 5 p.m.! We waited and waited for somebody to come and it just wasn't happening. I was beyond frustrated!

Finally, the pitocin was started and soon I was having nice, regular contractions and tons of back labor pain. I walked around the whole time, in hopes of bringing the baby's head down with the contractions and after an hour or so, my 3rd nurse of the day checked my progress. His head was still high and bouncing around even though I was dilated to 3 with a soft, stretchy cervix. I hadn't been allowed to eat all day so by this point I was starving, exhausted, and beyond frustrated. At that point, I had to make a decision. I could crank up the dosage of pitocin and start really having painful contractions in hopes of bringing his head down. Or I could give up and go home. I had a gut feeling that things were just not right and that Christian was just not ready. After all, I had been contracting all day and still his head wouldn't come down. The last thing I wanted to do was go through some agonizing contractions only to have nothing to show for it.

I broke down crying and said I was finished. The nurse was so sweet and felt real bad for me but understood we had done all we could for now. The plan now is to try again Tuesday morning and I will be scheduled for first thing in the morning and will hopefully have a nurse that has more time for me then. I don't even know how I feel anymore. I don't even know what "real" labor is supposed to feel like anymore since I felt pain all day and nothing really happened as a result. And I contracted and had awful back pain all the way home and am still having them once in awhile. My prayer is that I will just go into labor SOON and on my own and that the baby's head will come down!!!! I don't want a repeat performance on Tuesday. I don't even know what to do anymore. I am so disappointed and frustrated and exhausted.

So I'm sorry I have no happy news for anyone. If something happens in the near future, I'll post an update. :(